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Ok….big breath in…..out……relax the shoulders… goes!

As you read this you may be tempted to wonder whether or not I am certifiably crazy. I probably am a little crazy, but as the Italians would say, it’s “sympatico” – a good crazy! My kids often think I’m crazy, but hey, maybe it’s just that I was a forest fairy or a Woodstock Hippie in a previous life (if there is such a thing).

Now that I’ve started 4 The Bucket List and you are reading what I’ve put up here, it’s time for me to come clean. I want to introduce you to my room mate. Don’t worry he knows I’m writing this, in fact he’s pretty smug about the whole thing, just waiting to be able to say “I told you this was a bad idea.”

My room mate has been around since as far back as I can remember. In fact he was there on my first day at school, fueling my fear, telling me that I would never be able to learn to read and write, that I just wasn’t good enough. You’re probably wondering why I put up with him for so long. Truth is I don’t really have a choice. I call him RC – short for Resident Critic. I didn’t choose him as a room mate, I just inherited him. We share the space of my mind.

For a long time I actually thought he was me. He was so loud and convincing that I couldn’t tell where I began and ended and where he began and ended. With slow realization it dawned on me that we were not one and the same. I started to notice that despite his nay saying and constant criticism, I was willing to give things a go. I did learn to read and write and more. So that must mean he isn’t me! This is why I decided to give him a name and separate our identities. (Don’t ask me why RC is male, I have no idea and there’s no point in psychoanalyzing that right now). Let’s just say I can’t get rid of him. He’s like an annoying family member that irritates the hell out of you and you have to put up with because they family. I can’t stop him from having an opinion but I can be in charge of my life!

What I’ve noticed most about RC is that he would prefer that we didn’t do anything challenging. It’s just too dangerous and risky. RC is a lot happier if I’m just sitting in front of the telly watching mindless drivel and not doing anything that requires effort, causes shortness of breath, sweat or aches and pains. In fact RC would be quite content if I never did anything strenuous. He likes his comfort zone and hates the unknown – stuff he has no experience of, or when he can’t predict the outcome before it actually happens. Needless to say RC is a real pain in the bucket!

Why am I telling you this? Do I want you to think I’m a total nutter? No I don’t and RC is very good at reminding me of the risk I’m taking in writing this. But you see, it’s important for me to be honest about why I started 4 The Bucket List. It’s not just about setting grand goals and working towards achieving them. It’s about putting RC in his place and being in control of my life.

If you read my posts, from time to time you are likely to think that I have lost the plot! I mean really: colouring in, rolling down a grassy hill, eating hot chips with my fingers! The thing is, RC is very much about impression management, he’s worried about what others will think. I’m sick of that so if I’m in charge, I’m going to do things for the heck of it and that includes writing without worrying about perfect grammar or spelling. One condition for all this: that there is no harm to self or others. (See, I am sane J).

As long as I have a bucket list, I remind myself that there is hope and possibility and good in the world. I have the power to choose and act and strive. I’m in charge, RC is just along for the ride.