[vc_row][vc_column width=”1/1″][vc_column_text disable_pattern=”true” align=”left” margin_bottom=”0″]It’s Australia Day on Monday: time to proudly celebrate all that it means to be Australian.
- You know how to abbreviate every word, all of which usually end in “o”: arvo, combo, garbo, bottlo, metho, milko, muso, rego, servo, smoko, speedo, righto, etc.
- You know that Burger King doesn’t exist. It’s Hungry Jacks and a burger tastes best with beetroot.
- You know that snow is a memorable and freakish occurrence – sometimes it’s even fake.
- You’ve been tempted by a sausage sizzle at Bunnings.
- You know what a “budgie smuggler” is and that thongs are worn on your feet.
- You know that “stubbies” are either short shorts or small beer bottles and you know that a “gimp”, “bogan” or “geezer” is a random idiot.
- Someone in trouble is in “strife” and you’re liable to burst out laughing whenever you hear of Americans “rooting” for something.
- You’re familiar with Neighbours, Home and Away, Playschool, A Country Practice, the Wiggles, My Kitchen Rules, Barry Humphries, Blue Heelers, Ray Martin, The Block, Bert Newton, Eddy McGuire, Lisa McCune, Jon Burgess, Number 96, Molly Meldrum, Manu Feildel, Pete Evans, Kerry O’Brien, and of course, Kerry Packer and Rupert Murdoch.
- You know that some people pronounce “Australia” like “Strayla” and that’s ok.
- You know that there is a universal place called “woop woop” located in the middle of nowhere… no matter where you actually are.
- You know that while we call our friends ‘mates’, contrary to popular belief, we don’t use terms like ‘sheilas’ and ‘shrimp on the ‘barbie’.
- You know that none of us actually drink Fosters beer because it tastes like s***. But we let the world think we do. Because we can.
- You know that “having a go” is what we do.
- You’ve seen Gallipoli, Crocodile Dundee, Young Einstein, Muriel’s Wedding, The Castle, Priscilla, Beneath Clouds, Strictly Ballroom, 40,000 Horsemen, and maybe even Wolf Creek.
- It makes you happy when someone in Hollywood or the sports world is actually Australian… Mel Gibson, Nicole Kidman, Russel Crowe, Cate Blanchett, Baz Lurham, Elle MacPherson, Olivia Newton-John, Miranda Kerr, Midnight Oil, AC/DC, INXS, Greg Norman, Kylie Minogue, Toni Collette, Cathy Freeman, Dawn Fraser, Pat Rafter, Ian Thorpe, Shane Warne, Nick Kyrgios, Daniel Ricciardo, Tim Cahill…
- One word: Skippy.
- You know that Sydney 2000 was one of our proudest moments in history. We just rock.
- You know that you are not going to die of cholera or other Third World diseases.
- You know our country has never been conquered by a foreign nation (you don’t count 1788).
- We know that the Metric system will always be better than anything inches, feet, pounds and Fahrenheit will ever offer.
- You drive on the ‘left-hand side’ of the road.
- You know that New Zealanders are basically our naive country cousins, who have a weird “fush-and-chups” accent, and for some bizarre reason, think that they invented pavlova.
- You know that you can’t eat Fantales alone… otherwise who will you play the ‘Who am I…’ game with when you’re reading the wrapper?
- You know that Sydney should be the capital because Canberra is a hole. *This goes to prove 24. was written by a Sydneysider, although all Aussies except Canberrians think Canberra is a hole!
- You know that Americans think we’re all Steve Irwin clones, and crickey, they couldn’t be more wrong.
- You know that lawyers wear wigs and gowns – and they make it look good.
- In Summer you’ve slept with Aeroguard on. Maybe even worn it as perfume.
- You feel obliged to spread salty black stuff that looks like congealed motor oil on bread… and actually grow to like it. You’ve also squeezed Vegemite through Vita Wheats to make little Vegemite worms.
- You have the ability to compress several words into one – i.e. ‘g’day’ and ‘d’reckn?’. (This allows more space for profanities).
- You’ve used the words: ‘tops’, ‘ripper’, ‘sick’, ‘mad’, ‘rad’ or ‘sweet’ to mean good. And then you place ‘bloody’ in front of it when you REALLY mean it.
- You know that the barbeque is a political arena: the person holding the tongs is always the boss and usually a man, and women make the salad.
- The private lives of footy and cricket players become more important than local and national news stories.
- You say ‘no worries’ quite often, whether you realise it or not.
- You know what fairy bread tastes like, and you can’t imagine a childhood without it.
- You know the first verse to the national anthem, but still don’t know what “girt” means, and you’re ok with that.
- You’ve drunk your tea/coffee/Milo through a Tim Tam.
- You know that backyard cricket is a nice way to bond with family and the rubbish bin. And the ‘one bounce, one hand’ rule always applies.
- You know that we are home to just about all of the world’s deadliest animals.
- You see people walking bare-foot on the sidewalk and don’t scorn…. because you’re doing it too.
- You know what “trop-fest” is and it makes you happy.
- Sausage rolls and meat pies. End of story.
- You firmly believe that in the end, everything will be ok and have offered advice that included the words, “she’ll be right, mate”.
- You have a story that somehow involves an excessive consumption of goon… but you just can’t remember.
- You own a Bond’s clothing item – probably in several different colours.
- You’ve ordered a steak the size as your head and only paid $5 at your local RSL.
- You know that Italy should never have been granted that fateful kick in the 2006 Soccer World Cup.
- You know how to slip, slop, slap, seek and slide like it’s nobody’s business.
- You’ve heard the Prime Minister dismiss anyone who disagrees with him simply as ‘un-Australian’, and that’s enough to make us sit down and shut up.
- You know that the value of a public holiday is measured in terms of alcohol. God bless the Queen and her 4-day birthday.
- You can drive a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travel home, grab an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.
And right now you feel bloody awesome.
Happy Australia Day!
SOURCES: Items 1-49 adapted from Facebook Australian Network and item 50 from an unknown email source.
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